#Reverb10 prompts #7 and #8

Dec. 7: Community: Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)
I started watching Community does that count? I kid, I kid...only not really. I suppose I discovered several communities this year, most to do with being a new mother. I also got into Twitter (or was that last year?) and WoW. But, I haven't really connected on any deep level with a community in awhile. I've felt somewhat isolated this year and I do have a deep desire to connect with people. I think that finding a community next year will go hand in hand with finding more about myself. I want to connect with people who actually like me. I know, it's kind of a novel concept. I don't want them to talk to me because my baby is cute or because I play video games. Yes, I have a cute baby (no really, he totally is) and yes I play video games but I want to find someplace to belong on all levels.

Dec. 8: Beautifully Different: Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)
Hmmm. This is kind of a tough one for me. I don't necessarily feel that I'm all that different from other people. I mean, I guess I am pretty awesome and in general, others like being around me. What makes me the most different, that's hard. What makes me different from one person makes me the same as another. For example, I'm totally geeky. I like playing video games and I'm not ashamed of that. I'm also a chick. A chick who has a baby. And a job. And a husband. Now, I have friends who have jobs, babies and husbands but lack being geeky. So when I'm with them then I have unique and fun differences. But I have other friends who are just as geeky but don't have a baby, or a husband, or boobs.

I'm not sure that this is that great of a prompt actually. I get that we're supposed to recognize what makes us different an unique and embrace it. I know that we should recognize those bits and pieces inside of us that maybe some might scorn or mock and love them. This prompt wants us to think about those things and not be ashamed of them, to stand up in front of a crowd and say "Hey everyone, I'm different and that's okay". Because it IS okay to be different. I just don't think I am, not that much anyway, and that's okay too.

Reverb10 Posts 4, 5 and 6

Dec. 4: Wonder: How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)
My son's hands. I realize that this might not seem like cultivation exactly, but he DID come from my body and while my baby looks strikingly like his father, those hands are mine. I look at his hands and I'm enthralled, enraptured and even enchanted. When he was born, his hands were curled into a ball and he seemed loath to uncurl them. He immediately grasped fingers but his weak and insecure grip would loosen after a few short minutes. Now, of course, he's much stronger and is constantly grabbing, banging and gripping things with his still tiny hands. They're also frequently found in his mouth. They're beautiful.


Dec. 5: Let Go: What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)
This year I've had to let go of many things. I've had to let go of the fact that my life will never be the same. I've had to let go of the fact that my marriage will never be the same. Change is good, it's also very hard. Both of those things I mentioned are really for the better. It's good that my life and my marriage will never be the same, but it's also a difficult thing to manage a change that's so very drastic.

Dec. 6: Make: What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)
Ah, technically it was cookies. I made (frozen dough) cookies last night, they were delicious. :) But lets talk about something else I've been making recently. Baby food. I get praised for making my own baby food. I also alternate between feeling super proud of myself and feeling like it's really no big deal. I mean, it is easy at this stage. For example, I steam fresh green beans for 20 minutes, stick them in my little food processor, and push a button. It doesn't really seem like something I should be praised for doing. But I still like that I am. I also recognize that part of my desire to make my own baby food (because lets be honest here, there's plenty of good, organic options out there to buy) is to compensate for the fact that my milk supply started to dry up as soon as I went back to work. Maybe it isn't a big deal, but I think I'll stick with feeling proud. Also, I made a baby but technically the whole "making" part happened last year.

Reverb 10: Day 3 prompt

Dec. 3: Moment: Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

This one's easy. The birth of my son. The birth of a child quite literally takes a second, I'm not talking about the hours of labor beforehand. One second a baby is still in the womb and the next not. It's kind of crazy when you think about it. But, for the purposes of this post I think I should start at the beginning of my birthing experience.

I was admitted into the hospital on May 23rd at about 8:00, it took probably another half hour to an hour to get settled and whatnot. An old friend of mine from high school was actually my nurse on Sunday Night, although she wasn't the one to actually check me. Although I was starting to dilate on my own already, my doctor thought it best that I go in the night before for "cervical ripening" to make my induction go a little smoother. So, starting at about 9:00 I had a small pill inserted into my cervix every 3 hours. It really really sucked. I was not allowed to get up for two hours after the pill was inserted, which, if you've ever been pregnant you know is absolute torture to not be allowed to pee for 2 whole hours! Of course, I also wasn't allowed to drink anything so that part got better as the night went on. Also, due to my condition my blood pressure was taken every hour, on the hour ALL NIGHT and they took blood twice. This is all while Daren slept peacefully on the futon in our hospital room. :p

By 6:30 in the morning, I'd dilated to about a 2 which wasn't quite as much progress as they would have liked apparently but enough. I was tired, but excited. My old high school friend's shift was over at 7 and my new nurse introduced herself to me as Carla. She was awesome. She was sitting on my bed shortly after 7 explaining to me that when my doctor did her rounds that morning she was going to come in and break my water and then I would get put on pitocin to induce labor. I was physically uncomfortable (as all 39 weeks pregnant women are) and adjusted how I was sitting then BAM a gush of warm wetness. I think I must have had a look of confusion or surprise on my face, or both because Carla immediately said "What just happened?" My water had broken on its own, which was pretty awesome, having someone stick a crochet hook into me didn't sound pleasant at all.

It didn't feel like I was peeing, like everyone seems to say. At least, I've never peed like that, I'm pretty sure I'd be wholly concerned if I ever did. After the initial gushiness, every time I moved, laughed or coughed more gush would come out. I'm not gonna lie, it was super gross. Not so much the liquid because that was clear and had the viscosity of water but all kinds of goo comes with it. They don't really tell you that part. The movies just show a puddle of water on the floor and sure that's what happened initially but never once have I seen a mucus plug on the floor next to the puddle in any movie. I made Carla laugh every time I said "ick" or "ew, gross" when she would quickly whisk away any goo. I always knew labor would hurt but I really had no idea how icky it can be as well. And this was normal! I wasn't having any hemorrhaging or whatever, it was all totally normal. And gross, totally gross.

After that, the pain came quickly and intensely. They checked me almost immediately after my water broke and I had gone from a two to a five within 30 minutes due to my water breaking. I'd been having mild, ignorable contractions all night but as soon as my water broke it was like waves of pain crashing over me. They started me on a pitocin drip but because my contractions were already at less than one minute apart they took me off of it after about 10 minutes. They said I was having what they called rolling contractions, I would have a constant stream of them where I'd have 6 or 7 or 8 contractions in a row that never went down to baseline, then I'd have about a minute break and do it again. I had two sensors on my belly, one to measure the baby's heart beat and the other to measure the contractions. They also started taking my blood pressure every 10 minutes, which consequently was setting off alarms every time.

I always kind of thought I'd be a screamer, that I'd yell at my husband and curse the world during labor but I really wasn't. The next couple of hours were kind of a blur. I was supposed to get an epidural quickly but the anesthesiologist had to do an emergency c-section on another patient so I had to endure natural labor for 2-3 hours. Which, was 2-3 hours too many. I know many women choose to do natural, drug free child birth but I was not one of them. Carla kept telling me to focus on the breathing that I learned in class and in a panic I told her that I had to cancel my class because I was put on bed rest and I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO BREATHE! So she showed me what to do and I latched onto it. I also latched onto, with a white knuckle grip, the rails on the hospital bed. I'm pretty sure Daren was there looking worried, but that wasn't really on my mind.

Finally, I got my epidural and was able to relax. My mother in law arrived at the hospital while I was getting it actually, which was super embarrassing. The hospital staff sent her down to our room, which really, they shouldn't have. Nurse Carla came to the rescue and shooed her out before she saw anything. My own mother came sometime while I as getting my cervix checked, which was almost as bad. I watched the output on the computer screen of my contractions. It seemed like never ending peaks and few valleys, and I couldn't feel a thing. I took comfort in listening to my son's steady heartbeat and managed to sleep for an hour or so.

My OB visited me several times, during one, I have no idea what time, she felt that my contractions were appearing too intense and was worried that Zach wasn't tolerating it. So they took the sensors off my belly and stuck two internally. She also gave me an O2 mask and made me wear it the whole time, I'm pretty sure it's because she knew I was on the verge of a panic attack.

So, lets recap. I had a blood pressure cuff, an IV, an Epidural (which they stick in your back and you have a tube with a constant stream of medicine running into), A Catheter, two internal sensors (you can guess where THOSE were put) and an O2 mask. I felt like a science experiment, no really, I did.

Somewhere around noon, the panic started to rise. My epidural was wearing off and the pain was worse than ever. All of the amniotic fluid was gone and Zach was compressing his umbilical cord. I quickly progressed to a "stretchy nine" and Zach was not tolerating the contractions well at all. I had at least three nurses in my room at all times at this point, my dr had checked me twice because they were worried I would need to push at any second. I was put into all kinds of different positions, even on my knees to try to take pressure off of Zach's cord. Remember this whole time I was having intense contractions that were less than 1 minute apart. I also started to feel this deep pressure on my pelvis. Zach's heart beat was crashing down to almost nothing (to me it seemed like it WAS nothing) and setting off alarms, my blood pressure was setting off other alarms, I had more tubes coming out of my body than should be possible and I, quite literally, had spotlights pointed at my girly parts.

I was finally able to get a boost to my epidural which calmed me down considerable. Although, because we'd finally found a way for me to lay (tilted slightly to the right) that wouldn't send Zach into distress the epidural only spread to one side of my body. My right leg went COMPLETELY numb, so much so that I couldn't move it, feel it or anything it was a dead weight. My left side was still feeling pretty much everything, a very very odd sensation that. Still, it was enough to dull the pain as a whole and help me calm down a bit.

When they checked me again about 2 I was finally at a complete 10 with no sign of a cervix and I started pushing. Apparently for new mom's, this is supposed to take awhile. Zach really wanted to get out. After a short 20 minutes, Carla, sounding almost in a panic herself told me to stop pushing because Zach was crowning. Daren was holding one of my legs up and another nurse was holding my other. I remember I said "WHAT?" like them asking me to stop pushing was the stupidest thing ever because how can you do that? WTF? STOP? My contractions were pushing him out without my help and there wasn't anything I could do about that. So Nurse Carla donned her gloves and was ready to catch the baby while we prayed that my OB would get there asap. Ten minutes of complete AGONY she was there and told me to push again. I made noises of pure effort and determination, almost like what I imagine an Amazon would sound like as she goes to battle. After a couple contractions my OB says to me "Stop screaming and focus!" So, I shut up and had Zach with the next push.

One second he was still inside and then he was a squirming, screaming, wet mass of pink flesh on my chest. It wasn't something I was able to process right away. I was crying then, and I hadn't at all up to that point, I could barely see him through my tears but he was beautiful. He was yelling like he was mad at the world, and he probably was. He was slick with blood and fluids but I didn't notice or care at that point. They took him away to check his vitals and who knows what else for a few minutes. I was shaking like a leaf, completely uncontrolled shaking. All of the adrenaline suddenly left my system. I also suddenly was starving and remembered that I hadn't had anything to eat since 7:00 the night before (Zach was born at 2:59 pm).

They wiped him down and gave him back to me and we cuddled for over an hour. My OB delivered the afterbirth and stitched me up and I never noticed. I DID notice when they turned off the spotlights because really, those were like having one of those bright dentist lights shining down on your unmentionables.

He was born a perfectly healthy and beautiful baby (still is!) and I won't get into the wonder i felt because I'll save that for the WONDER prompt. Suffice to say, giving birth was the single most terrifying experience of my life. It was also the most wonderful.

Reverb 10: Prompt 2

#Reverb10 is a movement to encourage folks to tackle a daily prompt with the intent of reflecting on their year. If you’d like to get involved, it’s not too late! You can backtrack to previous prompts or simply jump in where you are.

Dec. 2: Writing: What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)

Writing. It's something that I really hadn't done any of in about a year until this November. Leave it to nanowrimo to get me jump started. Unlike Elizabeth Ditty, I find that most things in my life detract from my writing. I get up super early, go to work by 7 or 7:30 and I don't get home until 6 or 6:30. I feed my son, feed myself and I (or my husband) put him to bed by 8. After that I'm usually too exhausted to do much of anything so my writing has really suffered. BUT, I've gotten back into it and although my progress is slow, it's still progress!

Reverb10

So Elizabeth Ditty convinced me to participate in Reverb10. So, here I am, coming to my largely abandoned blog and participating. I'm behind so it'll probably take me a few days to catch up. But, all forward progress counts right? ;)

***

Dec. 1: One Word: Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

Struggle

Okay, if I'm being honest with myself the word Struggle, out of all the words in the English language best encapsulates the year of 2010. I tried to think of another, more positive word to use. Words like Adventure, Wonder, Excitement all came to mind but those words felt altogether fake and lacking in sincerity. So yes, this year has been nothing short of a struggle.

It didn't start out as a struggle, but by the end of January I was showing the early signs of complications within my pregnancy. I began to get severe pelvic pain and my blood pressure started to do this weird song and dance of being highish and the back to normal within the course of a few minutes. By the end of March I was on weekly OB appointments getting a sonogram at each visit to make sure my baby was still alive. Two weeks after that I was on full and complete bed rest because my blood pressure skyrocketed and both my life and my son's were in danger.

I spent the next six weeks laying on my left side and trying to pretend that I wasn't terrified. For most women, the worst part about pregnancy is the labor and delivery, for me, it was one of the best. It was an end to the near torture I'd been in, it was an end to being so physically ill that I wasn't allowed to get up except to go to the bathroom and to shower and it was an end to living in constant fear of what the next sonogram would show.

After Zach was born in May, I thought it would get better, easier and while I almost miraculously bounced back to health physically it was still a struggle. I was a new mom, unsure of what to do. Daren and I fought a lot those first few months. I struggled with finding myself again. I felt, and still do to a lesser degree, splintered. After 12 weeks at home with my son I had to go back to work. Suddenly I be many different MEs and I didn't know how to reconcile them all. I was New Mom, I was Career Woman, I was Loving Wife. And in there was the problem, I lost the ME in all of that. It's a very fine balance, one that I have not mastered. And while my son completely lights up my life in ways I never thought possible, it has still been a struggle.

A year from now, I guess I would like my word to be Aspire. I have great aspirations for 2011. Everyone better watch out! ;)

She's My Cherry Bomb

My cousin, one of the best people I know, needs some cheering up.

I've thought about the best way to do this for awhile and Elizabeth Dittygave me the idea of writing down my wondrous thoughts and memories of Nikki so that she can read, remember and hopefully smile. Nikki's going through some major hardships right now and I'll admit that it's hard to know how to react or what to say. But, I've always loved Nikki from the bottom of my heart and although it is sometimes it's easier to turn away or pretend that the insidious 'C' word doesn't exist in my bright and shining cousin the best thing I can do for her right now is to use the few gifts I have to lift her spirits.

Nikki and I were the founding members of the 4-cherry bombs. I was 10, she 11 and I believe Evie and Allyson were also 10. Yes, there were four of us. We were so clever. We were also at Space Camp. Yes, it was awesome.

The first cousins (on my mom's side of the family) went to Space Camp together. In order of age we had Tricia, Kellee, Nikki, Sean and me. Tricia and Kellee were far too old at the wise ages of 14 and 12 (thereabouts) to hang out with lowly 10 and 11 year olds and so were in a different program than Nikki, Sean and I.

During our week long adventure at Space Camp, Nikki and I practically ran the place. Or so we like to believe. We recruited the other two girls in our group to make a club, still fondly known as the 4-cherry bombs. We would later write each other countless letters on Lisa Frank stationary drawing bunches of cherries all over the paper. We were that cool. The four of us fell in, and out, of love with our pre-adolescent male counterparts. I'm pretty sure none of them ever got over us and our awesomeness.

I still remember very clearly the scavenger hunt that we, the four cherry bombs won. Although, I'm sure Sean would dispute who won. I remember our mission to Mars and the flag hanging debacle (there were no hooks thank you very much!) I also remember bonding with Sean after I threw up on the centrifuge thing. Yeah, I was that girl. I remember our bunk and how I grabbed the last top bunk available and almost immediately regretted it. Spiders. Ick.

When not lording our awesomeness as the best four girls to ever walk the halls of fake mission control, Nikki and I spent our time with her brother Sean tormenting our older sisters. Every time we saw them in the cafeteria or in any other public place we would run up to them and give them the biggest hugs we could. It annoyed them greatly, but then again, that was kind of the point. Sean and I also became pretty obsessed with air-heads there. I think I made myself sick eating air-heads and freeze-dried ice cream.

We've always been close, especially the three of us. The thing is, I love my family and I have a special fondness for Nikki because she's my cherry bomb. She's my Kiki. So many times I would lay on the floor of her bedroom giggling with her at the JTT posters that plastered her walls telling her about my latest crush. I've never known someone to weather storms with the grace and dignity that she does. She's lost two fathers, grandparents and now she's fighting for her own life.

So yeah, it's hard to know what to say and how to react. I wish I could just go to her house, play bumper pool with her and Sean (and inevitably lose) and then lay on her floor and whisper and giggle until morning. In my heart, I know that everything will be fine. Better than fine even, everything will be great, no matter what happens. I believe that there's still plenty of hope and life and love for my dearest cousin and her fight is far from over. She just needs a little boost. If I could find some freeze dried ice cream and Lisa Frank stationary, I'd totally send it to her, but for now this will have to do.

I love you Kiki, no matter what happens, you'll always be my favorite cherry bomb.

20 Steps to Writing and Presenting MoH Wedding Toast

*ahem*

Step 1: Think about writing awesome speech for months

Step 2: Write awesome speech in moleskine for safe keeping a few days before wedding

Step 3: Make it to the reception with your speech

Step 4: Avoid stepping on the Bride's broken foot while pacing out your nerves

Step 5: Down a flute full of champagne

Step 6: Stop pacing and pretend to pay attention to Best Man's speech (which goes on too long)

Step 7: Down another flute of champagne

Step 8: Take microphone from Best Man

Step 9: Fumble with microphone and moleskine, then remember to set down champagne flute.

Step 10: Introduce yourself even though the DJ just did that for you.

Step 11: Completely forget to look at nicely written speech in moleskine and vomit out some words that make little sense.

Step 12: Blush

Step 13: Look at Speech.

Step 14: Recite Speech while injecting random word vomits here and there.

Step 15: Make Bride AND Groom cry with awesomeness of Speech-even though you word vomited a few times.

Step 16: Hug Bride, once again, avoiding broken foot.

Step 17: Hug Groom, try not to break HIS foot.

Step 18: Pick up Champagne flute and daintily sip for Toast

Step 19: Down rest of Champagne

Step 20: Ask waitress for another glass of Champagne

Books Books and more Books!

Hello again! I know, I need to update more frequently. The good news is, I'm almost out of my writing lull. The bad news is I'm ALMOST out of my writing lull.

But, that's not what this post is about. I need some advice, more specifically, I need some book buying advice.

Some of you may remember (although there's no blog post about this) back in January 2008 the flooding of my apartment and subsequent ceiling collapse. Yeah, not pretty. Anyway, pretty much the entire bookshelf and its contents were irrevocably destroyed along with a handful of books laying around my living room. Our renters insurance gave us 2 years to replace our damaged stuff and we've saved the books for last. Why? Because they didn't give us any seed money for the books so our replacement cost is out of pocket then we're reimbursed. However, we only have until January to get this done.

So here's what I need, suggestions on which books to purchase. We have about $1200 (yeah, the damage was THAT bad) we can spend on new books and we are not required to get exact titles. I will be replacing some exact titles, but I don't need to do all of them and I don't want to replace all of them exactly. So, anyone know any good books? :D

You can visit my Goodreads website here which has a decent list of books I've read in recent years. So, if you want to take the time, maybe you could suggest books NOT on that list?

Thanks for your help! I appreciate it!

*ahem*

So, it's been awhile.

But that's okay right? Honestly I just haven't had much to say.

I don't know what's up with my word count meter, but it's wrong anyway (like 10k too low) so I'll see if i can fix it soon.

My current project is actually editing my dad's novel. Editing is hard. I'm glad I'm not an editor.

Anyway, I'm still trudging along on BoR. Actually, I made a decent amount of progress prior to starting my editing project. I'm going to hop back on the writing bandwagon in April with Screnzy (although I won't be writing a script). I think I have a pretty clear view of where BoR needs to go and while I don't think it'll be easy to get there, once I hunker down it'll go somewhat smoothly. Maybe. We'll see.

In other news, Daren and I have owned our house officially for a year now. Exciting huh? It's nice to own your own home, it feels more like ours everyday. We're going to start uprooting the ugly bushes in our front yard this spring. I'm looking forward to it. :)

I hope to keep up with my glog more frequently from now on! Check back for updates!

Conversations with Characters part 2 and days 11-20

*ahem*

Rafe: You know you want me
Me: ........
Rafe: Come on, admit it.
Me: Well......
Jasper: What's going on in here?
Me: Nothing! Nothing at all!
Jasper: Who's that guy? Didn't he get his chance last year?
Rafe: *snort* At least she wants to publish my story
Katze: Excuse me? It's MY story thank you very much.
Me: *whimper*
Sadie: What's going on in here?
Katze: Am I hearing an echo? what's with these two?
Me: Oh nothing, we're just discussing who wants to be written more
Rafe/Jasper: ME! *glare at each other*
Jasper: You don't even have any special powers! All you do is wave around that sword thing.
Rafe: *eyebrow raise* I'm also very sexy
Sadie: *looks at Rafe* He is.
Katze: yeah...but if you keep staring at him like that I'll slit your throat.
Sadie: eep!
Me: Can't you guys just get along and wait your turn?
Jasper: *whines* but this IS my turn!
Rafe: true, but you can't stop thinking about me can you?
Ginger: She likes the secondary characters better in our story than in yours you know.
Mouse: *frowns at Ginger*
Katze: Who cares? You're secondary! Which means you're expendable!
Rafe: *nods in agreement*
Me: None of you are expendable...I mean some of you do die but you're still important! I swear!
Rafe/Katze: We don't trust you
Jasper/Sadie: We do!
Me: I could always mix you up you know, I am all powerful so you guys better behave!
Katze: Fine, but you better come back to BoR soon. Do you have any idea how boring it is laying in a room with sword wounds for months on end? Seriously. Plus, Rafe and I still want to make out.
Rafe: It's true.
Gabriel: Hey! No making out with my sister!
Katze: *eye roll*
Jasper: Great, we'll see you later tonight when I come down to the kitchen to comfort Sadie since that evil shadow demon attacked.
Sadie: Yeah, until you say something stupid again and I slap you.
Jasper: *grins*
Me: Are we good? Good. Now go away and leave my brain alone so I can get some work done!


So, I've decided it's hard to have two half-finished stories floating around in your head. When that happens fights ensue between my characters. So the past 10 days have been tough. I'm way behind (although not as behind as my word count suggests, but I haven't updated it in awhile) and I'm not sure if I will actually make it or not. Pretty much I'm going to have to write like 5k days for the next week to make up the time. I suppose it's doable, i've gotten over the hump I was in. The exposition in this story is so freaking boring but then it gets fun and exciting. It's starting to turn more the way I wanted it to be. I really wanted it to feel dark and creepy but it's hard to do dark and creepy when all your characters do is introduce themselves to the others.

This is probably the first story I've done where the majority of my characters don't know each other. Really only Jasper and Sadie know each other, everyone else they met at the start of the story. It's much easier for your characters to already know each other, or at least to meet in interesting ways. I wrote a scene that reminded me strongly of the opening dinner scene in the movie Clue. Anyway, i'm into the action now so that' s much more fun.

Lets see if I make it.

Days 6-10

These days writing has been much slower than it should have been.

I'm currently about 3000 words behind where I should be to keep on pace. That doesn't of course mean I won't make it or anything. I wrote over 3000 words in my first day this month so I'm not worried. There is still plenty of time left in the month.

I feel like I've gotten over my exposition stump that had me too bored to write. I don't have a super huge cast of characters this year, but this book demanded more of a traditional introduction to the characters I do have. I haven't been able to just ease them into the story the way I did with BoR because almost none of my characters had ever met before. So I had to introduce them to each other.

But now I'm pretty much past that and I'm onto the rising action. At least the first rising action. I'm looking forward to some of the scenes ahead, although I'm not 100% sure how I'm going to write a few of them.

I'm also enjoying the style of this book, I'm writing in what we dubbed in the last writing group meeting as "3rd person unlimited". Meaning I'm switching perspectives when I feel like it and sticking to the strict rules when they're needed. I'm unlimited in my choices :) Plus I'm writing really short chapters compared to BoR which is also fun.

It's late so I'm going to bed. I wrote about 2100 today which is a good amount. I'm still behind but I'll catch up soon I have no doubt. I have a feeling this week will be a better writing week than last.

Day 4 and 5

Well, sadly day 4 didn't see anything done, at least nothing writing-wise done.

Yesterday I worked, sprained my ankle, drove to the voting place (with a sprained ankle it sucked), voted and worked from home the rest of the night while watching election coverage (hooray for an Obama win!)

I made up for it tonight sort of. I wrote a fair bit and I'm not really behind but I still feel like I'm behind the pack. I'll hopefully write another 2k words tomorrow and then I'll be slightly ahead instead of slightly behind. My initial burst of speed writing this weekend has sadly diminished.

It isn't a big deal, it is nano after all and the book I'm writing is completely unpublishable (no genre to speak of srsly) but still it's fun and I'm enjoying it so far.

Oddly, even though I haven't spent too much time writing BoR lately I'm starting to miss it greatly. It feels weird to be writing something that isn't revolving around Katze and her craziness or Gabriel and his haunted yet powerful dreams.

No matter what, Nano is doing great things for my creative mind.

Day 3

Day 3 has been a long day and I haven't felt much like writing.

Work sucked beyond sucked today and it felt incredibly draining. There are big problems with my studies and it's creating some havoc. I'm really hoping that it won't be like this for the rest of the week (or God forbid, the rest of the month) but I have a bad feeling that it will be.

Sucks for me.

Also, I made 'shortcut' lasagna tonight that didn't actually feel like a shortcut. It was good though.

Pixie got sick again tonight, but unlike last time we didn't take her to the Emergency Vet. We've pretty much deduced that she is trying to hack up a hairball. Which while very gross is better than the alternative of an illness.

As far as my writing goes, I wrote about 1650 words tonight. I didn't quite meet the quota but that's okay. I'm still a little ahead of the game. I liked this one scene that I wrote today, I think it's the romantic in me that liked it. Hopefully I'll continue to like more and more things about my novel.

Now, if only the stupid nano site would work for me!

Day 2

Day two is over for me thankfully. I wrote almost 1700 words today, just barely making the official "daily quota" set forth by Nanowrimo. Of course I did write twice that yesterday, so I'm in good shape.

It's been a hard day for me, not really sure why but I just have struggled a bit with writing today. I think I was just a little tired and wanted to do other things (like nap) today instead.

I did; however, come up with what I think is a fairly decent working title. What do you think of Worthy for the title? Course I'm sure it'll change, but it works for now. Better than calling it Untitled Nano2008 don't you think?

Tomorrow is the first day of the work week which sucks. It doubly sucks because it cuts down my writing time. That being said, I do have somewhat a clear cut idea of what I'm going to write tomorrow so it shouldn't be bad once I get going.

I'm still pretty dubious about this project, but it is only day 2. We'll see how I feel by the end of the week.

It Starts...

So far so good(ish)

I have 3000 words written today, although to be fair I've used strike through on about 500 of them. But there is no delete button in nano so it'll have to stay at least for now. :)

I don't have much to say because i'm busy writing. I think it's good that we started on the weekend because I'm getting a good head start on the month and my goal.

I still don't feel like my plot is going anywhere and I really don't know what I'm doing. That being said, it isn't terrible and the writing is fairly easy-going. So far.

I'll be back at it for the next while, we'll see how much I get done.

So here I go for the next 30 days with a case of diet dr pepper, brand new writing gloves and plot bunnies eating the plants in my brain.

I hope something good comes out of all of this.

Haiku or two

So instead of planning like I should have been doing, i've fallen into the pre-writing despair of lack of plotitis.

So I wrote a couple haikus to describe how I feel.

The plot stops and flees
Before the climax is reached
They laugh in my face

Fantastic Premise
But nothing in the middle
Basically, I'm screwed

Sadie and Jasper
My characters have no clue
And neither do I


That's all...I'm sure it'll pass but tonight I'm feeling depressed. Lets hope tomorrow I wake up with a new found energy and drive to finish plotting out my novel.

Rescue Me

So it's almost here, that special time of year when I'm completely anti-social and busy pulling my hair out in between typing. Only a few more days until Nanowrimo!! Hooray!!! Dismay!!! Hooray!!! Dismay!!!

So my plot has turned an interesting corner and has become a pseudo-religious piece that is neck deep in the prophecies of the seven scrolls and seven seals in the Book of Revelations. It'll be fun and quite a bit different than anything else I've ever done. I still have a ton of planning to do though. The research I'm conducting is both easy and hard, easy because I have google at my fingertips and it's very simple to find out what the weather is like in Scotland in the fall. But all of the Biblical histories and differing commentaries on Revelations makes it difficult. It's a good thing I'm writing fiction and not a theology paper.

Why do I call this a pseudo-religious novel you ask? Well mostly because I'm taking huge liberties with some of the mythos and visions in Revelations. Mainly the 144,000 people with seals on their forehead that will protect them from the Tribulations before and during the Apocalypse. Now, since I'm not a scholar and I've never taken a theology class I'm obviously not going to be depicting these people accurately or even close to accurately (since no one actually knows who they are aside from the 12 tribes of Israel). They will however be an important group of people in my book and like all groups of people will have both good and bad seeds. Also, I'm not writing an apology book which frankly a lot of Christian literature is. Apology in the truest sense of the word means 'to defend' and I'm not writing a defense of my beliefs in any way. I'm writing an action/adventure novel that just happens to have Religious roots and Divine Intervention.

What's the difference between Blood of Renatus and Untitled Nano2008 you ask? I think that's another blog post for another time, this one is long enough already!

So here's a treat for you, the theme song to my nano novel. It's called "Rescue Me" by Pushmonkey. I don't actually know anything about this band, nor do I know any of their other songs. This one happened to download itself to my itunes (i dunno why it sometimes gives me free music but i won't complain) and I really like it. I think it fits well with my theme and my characters even though I'm pretty sure it's a secular song and a secular band.

Hey..can you save me in any way?
Even though I hate to say
I'm not understanding me

Chorus:
I need someone to rescue me.
When I get a little bit crazy,
I need to you to save me from myself.
I'm waiting for someone to rescue me.
When I go a little too far,
I just want to be sure that you're the only one to save me from
myself

No words control
You're not

Chorus

When I get a little bit crazy
When I go a little bit too far
I come to you

Hey can you see the warning signs?
Can you help me recognize
where it's me

chorus

save me from myself
save me from myself
save me from myself

Short Story

So I'm wanting to enter this short story competition from Writer's Digest. Here's one of the short stories I'm planning on entering, so far it's my only one ready. I am hoping to write and submit 3 total but we'll see. Tell me what you think!

According to the dictionary, a risk-taker is someone who risks loss or injury for excitement, and Jack was the epitome of a risk-taker. But, as he leapt from the plane at 20,000 feet, he wondered if that simple definition were enough. He didn’t really like to think of himself as a risk-taker. He much preferred to think of himself as an experience-taker. He didn’t take risks. He just grabbed life and ran, or jumped, as the case may be. He’d never once thought about the danger associated with rock climbing, sky diving, or base-jumping. All he thought about was the rush of adrenaline and the thrilling ecstasy that filled his soul.

He pulled the ripcord on his primary chute. It didn’t open. Hum Jack thought, that’s not supposed to happen. He would have shrugged his shoulders if the wind weren’t pressing against him so obnoxiously tight. He struggled to push his arms and legs out spread eagle in an effort to slow his fall as much as possible. Instead of panicking like a normal person, he instead wondered if he looked anything like Da Vinci’s “Vitruvian Man” with his arms and legs splayed out as they were. He figured he only needed to be naked to be the perfect image of it—especially with his limbs moving at super speed up and down and side to side to keep himself horizontal. He wanted to chuckle at the absurdity of the thought, but he didn’t have enough air in his lungs.

Hum Jack thought again. If I were naked, I think I’d have a horrible case of wind burn from this. Better be glad I’m wearing clothes. It was odd though. Jack didn’t feel the thrill he so prized from this free fall. Instead, he felt something quite different; something he couldn’t name. The rush of adrenaline was there to be sure, but he wasn’t actually thrilled to be falling.

He pulled the ripcord on his secondary chute. It didn’t open either. Well, that’s not good. Jack was shit out of luck now. He watched the ground hurtle itself towards him and wondered if he’d actually feel himself go “splat” or not. He didn’t think he’d be able to feel it. He couldn’t really feel anything right now, and it was just wind and air pressing against him. Surely the ground wouldn’t actually hurt. He inwardly smiled. the “Vitruvian Man” was drawn in 2-D, I bet I really will look like him once I hit the ground. Hum, better turn over so it’s done correctly then.

Jack maneuvered his body, twisting and turning in the air to flip over, so that when he hit the ground he would be face up. Looking at the bright yellow sun, Jack named the curious feeling that sat uncomfortably in his stomach pretending to be a thrill. He was afraid. Actually, he was terrified that he wouldn’t get up and walk away from this like every other time he fell off of something. He didn’t want to pancake on the ground. He didn’t want to die, there were so many more life experiences left for him to take!

"You were falling, and now you’re flying. Well, I’m flying, you are being carried, Jack.”

Jack panicked more fiercely this time. He heard the sighing sound again and tried to crane his neck around to get a good look at whatever creature had a hold of him.

"Honestly” the thing said, “I don’t know why you humans put up such a fight. Would you kindly stop pummeling me? It’s really very annoying. You can’t imagine how hard it is to fly straight up while being kicked and elbowed practically to death.”

The thing snickered at its own private joke, and Jack frowned.

“I am not a thing,” the thing said, sounding annoyed. “I am an angel, obviously.”

And he was, Jack noted. He twisted his body around as much as he could in an effort to take a good look at it. The angel had his arms wrapped tightly around Jack’s torso, using Jack’s armpits for support. His wings were huge and suitably impressive for an angel. They were covered in feathers the pale blue and gray colors of an overcast sky. Jack felt the terror in his belly ebb just a little to be replaced with an equal amount of awe.

“Where’s your halo?” Jack said stupidly to the angel.

The angel scoffed. “If I drop you then you go straight to Hell. But, instead, here I am flying you up to Heaven’s gate, and you have the gall to ask me about an archaic piece of metal that was painted above heads during the Renaissance?” He huffed indignantly. “I’d think you’d ask me something a little more pertinent.”

Jack thought about this for a moment. He’d never been one to believe in Heaven or Hell, but perhaps this was God’s way of choosing who goes where instead of all the Biblical mumbo-jumbo he was taught in Sunday School as a child. It made sense, really—send an irritable angel to pick you up from the dead, and, if you annoy him too much, then you’re dropped into Hell. Hum, does that mean I’m dead?

“Of course you are Jack. You jumped out of an airplane without a working parachute. What did you expect? If you ask me, you’ve been knocking on Death’s door for years what with all this silly risk-taking business you’ve been about. I had bets with the other angels two years ago when you fell off that mountain. I lost.”

There was that term again, “risk-taking”. Well, now that he was dead, he supposed that the dictionary was right, and he really had been risking his life all these years. The angel halted abruptly in mid-air, and Jack was set down none too gently on top of a fluffy cumulus cloud. He looked about and the strangest image of furry little bears with symbols painted on their stomachs floated across his memory. He shook his head free of the thoughts.

Before him stood a tall but narrow gate carved out of one giant pearl. He couldn’t see anything behind or to the sides of the gate. Aside from the shiny, incandescent nature of the thing, it was rather boring looking. Jack had seen more ornate gates in front of people’s houses. A man was floating a few feet above the clouds directly in front of the gate. Jack thought he looked like Buddha.

“Ah, here we are,” said the angel. “My job’s done, and I’m off to find the next soul to be judged. Peter here will do the judging.” The angel gestured to the floating, Buddha-shaped man and then flew off into the sky.

“Well,” Peter peered at Jack, looking so deeply into his soul that Jack almost felt violated. “You’ll probably do. Look down over the edge for one last peek at your body, and tell me what you think.”

Jack did as he was told and stuck his head out over the edge of the cloud. With surprising clarity, he could see his broken and bloody body. It was as if he were only ten feet above ground instead of…where is Heaven anyway? He shrugged and thought for a moment as he watched a small crowd of people gather around his body hysterically crying and pointing. He scrambled back towards Peter after the moment was over and nodded.

“Well, I was right about one thing and wrong about the other,” Jack volunteered.

“Oh?” Peter raised a quizzical eyebrow.

“Yes. It seems I was wrong. I look nothing like the “Vitruvian Mman.” But, I was right that I didn’t feel a thing when I went ‘splat.’”

Peter chuckled softly, it sounded like a breeze. “Yes, you’ll do. You’re able to tell the difference between right and wrong. In you go Jack.”

He thumbed behind him as the Gate swung open far less dramatically than Jack thought it should. The terror in his stomach vanished completely and was replaced with the thrill that should have been there from the beginning. The wonderful feeling ran forcefully through his body, he shuddered in delight. He grinned happily as he stood and walked through the gate, disappearing into a warm, engulfing white light.

A couple things

So I wanted to share some news with everyone reading!

First of all my favorite (and only) sister, Kellee, became engaged to her boyfriend Brett on Saturday. It's great news and we're all very happy for her. No official date has been set yet, although they're thinking of sometime in July or August. I'm pretty sure the wedding will be down in Orlando as they both live there which means I'll get to take a few vacations down there to "help" yay! :) I'm such a good sister aren't I? I'm excited about the wedding, I'm sure it'll be fantastic and I'm really happy for Kellee.

Second of all my cousin Nikki got married unexpectedly this weekend. She's still planning a Catholic wedding and reception for next summer but I guess she and Tom just didn't want to wait any longer. I don't blame her really, she's feeling pretty good right now even with the Chemo treatment she's on and she's feeling her mortality. I think she didn't want to wait another 9 months until their Catholic wedding date given her health. She and Tom got married in a little chapel with just their immediate family present. I think it's good for both of them, and as far as I can tell it's really helping Nikki's spirits. Which reminds me that I need to give her a call.

That's all i have to report, I haven't done any writing or much planning really but I intend to do one or both of those things this week. I hope everyone is having a good week!

You have chosen...wisely? Poorly?

So the network my studies are on has been taken offline for the next 30 minutes or so and therefore I can't work and have time to post something. The past couple months has given me little time to do much outside of work. Additionally, since work has been extra soul-sucking I haven't had any creative mojo to write, post or really do anything except veg and watch some TV while trying to stuff my soul back in. I'm pretty sure that my office has Dementors floating down the cube rows during our most stressful times just so we are that much more depressed.

Enough about that, I've not written too much lately due to the above but I have decided much to the chagrin of those who have voted in the poll to go with Option 3. I've decided to definitely not work on BoR during November. I need to think about something else completely. I also really want to write something that i can finish within November, something shorter and much much less complex. I have zero desire to write an epic, high fantasy novel during November-even one that's half way through. The truth is, I'm not even sure if I can finish BoR during November, everytime i think about the thing it just gets even bigger in my mind.

I thought for a long time about going with Option 1 but there are complications there. First of all a 10k word short story is very long and 5 of them together in a series are unlikely to be published in the type of magazine I want. But in order to reach the Nano goal I'd have to write each one that long which is a bad idea. Plus, I'd also have to come up with 5 unique plots and weave them together-a daunting task, even for short stories.

So we're going with Option 3, which has changed quite a bit in my thinking since I first wrote about it. It's not going to be a 3 part YA novel. I'm kind of excited about it actually, I'm pretty sure that it's going to be something akin to the love child of JJ Abrams and Neil Gaiman-if they could infuse their thoughts and ideas into my head. I'm hoping to spend the next 6 weeks planning it carefully so that it doesn't run away with me. We'll see what happens, it should be fun though. I'm looking forward to thinking and writing about something else for a change.

Even the best and most successful authors can take years to write a BFF, and I am certainly neither of those. I imagine that even when I finish BoR, it'll take years to edit and revise and rewrite. In the meantime, I really don't want to squeeze my brain so narrowly that I only think of the BoR world and nothing else. Writing this novel in November should (in theory) be short and easy when compared to my epic BFF. It's certainly a lot simpler and since it's going to be set in modern times it'll be a million times easier to figure out things (like distance, location etc) that you constantly have to think about in fantasy. There's a danger with that because you have to be sure of your facts, but with the google and wiki machines that's fairly easy to do.

But since it's me, I can't stray completely away from Fantasy so my main characters will have special powers. But it's going to be like government agency type of thing and it'll be very cool I think.

Sorry to disappoint any of you fans out there but don't worry, it isn't like I'm stopping writing BoR. I'll also continue to work on it up until November, planning won't take up all of my creative time-although again, work might suck my soul out some more. That beast [Blood of Renatus]will be finished eventually and it should be awesome when it is. But in the meantime I'm going to take a break from the BFF world and work on something else.

Also, if anyone reading this is interested in Nanowrimo please don't hesitate to ask me any questions. It really is a great way to get started writing or to jump start your creative juices. I'd certainly recommend doing it, not only is it fun but it does give you a huge sense of accomplishment.