20 Steps to Writing and Presenting MoH Wedding Toast

*ahem*

Step 1: Think about writing awesome speech for months

Step 2: Write awesome speech in moleskine for safe keeping a few days before wedding

Step 3: Make it to the reception with your speech

Step 4: Avoid stepping on the Bride's broken foot while pacing out your nerves

Step 5: Down a flute full of champagne

Step 6: Stop pacing and pretend to pay attention to Best Man's speech (which goes on too long)

Step 7: Down another flute of champagne

Step 8: Take microphone from Best Man

Step 9: Fumble with microphone and moleskine, then remember to set down champagne flute.

Step 10: Introduce yourself even though the DJ just did that for you.

Step 11: Completely forget to look at nicely written speech in moleskine and vomit out some words that make little sense.

Step 12: Blush

Step 13: Look at Speech.

Step 14: Recite Speech while injecting random word vomits here and there.

Step 15: Make Bride AND Groom cry with awesomeness of Speech-even though you word vomited a few times.

Step 16: Hug Bride, once again, avoiding broken foot.

Step 17: Hug Groom, try not to break HIS foot.

Step 18: Pick up Champagne flute and daintily sip for Toast

Step 19: Down rest of Champagne

Step 20: Ask waitress for another glass of Champagne