Reverb10

So Elizabeth Ditty convinced me to participate in Reverb10. So, here I am, coming to my largely abandoned blog and participating. I'm behind so it'll probably take me a few days to catch up. But, all forward progress counts right? ;)

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Dec. 1: One Word: Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

Struggle

Okay, if I'm being honest with myself the word Struggle, out of all the words in the English language best encapsulates the year of 2010. I tried to think of another, more positive word to use. Words like Adventure, Wonder, Excitement all came to mind but those words felt altogether fake and lacking in sincerity. So yes, this year has been nothing short of a struggle.

It didn't start out as a struggle, but by the end of January I was showing the early signs of complications within my pregnancy. I began to get severe pelvic pain and my blood pressure started to do this weird song and dance of being highish and the back to normal within the course of a few minutes. By the end of March I was on weekly OB appointments getting a sonogram at each visit to make sure my baby was still alive. Two weeks after that I was on full and complete bed rest because my blood pressure skyrocketed and both my life and my son's were in danger.

I spent the next six weeks laying on my left side and trying to pretend that I wasn't terrified. For most women, the worst part about pregnancy is the labor and delivery, for me, it was one of the best. It was an end to the near torture I'd been in, it was an end to being so physically ill that I wasn't allowed to get up except to go to the bathroom and to shower and it was an end to living in constant fear of what the next sonogram would show.

After Zach was born in May, I thought it would get better, easier and while I almost miraculously bounced back to health physically it was still a struggle. I was a new mom, unsure of what to do. Daren and I fought a lot those first few months. I struggled with finding myself again. I felt, and still do to a lesser degree, splintered. After 12 weeks at home with my son I had to go back to work. Suddenly I be many different MEs and I didn't know how to reconcile them all. I was New Mom, I was Career Woman, I was Loving Wife. And in there was the problem, I lost the ME in all of that. It's a very fine balance, one that I have not mastered. And while my son completely lights up my life in ways I never thought possible, it has still been a struggle.

A year from now, I guess I would like my word to be Aspire. I have great aspirations for 2011. Everyone better watch out! ;)